he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
