Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Moan for me like Helen Keller
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
