obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
