she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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