he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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