I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I look better un-naked...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
