i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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