I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
