Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
