How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
