I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
