I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize