Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
