How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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