it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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