You're my little dorito
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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