Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The uberlube is also flammable
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
