just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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