I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
