my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
