He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
