38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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