it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
