I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
