If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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