I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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