Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So drunk its hurt
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
