Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
