Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
