found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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