Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
