He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
