i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
