you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
