Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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