I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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