Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
