i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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