All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
