The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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