I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
