I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
