Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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