ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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