She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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