..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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