Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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