My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
