my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
