Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I touched a dick in church today
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
