I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
