my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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