I must be too annoying 4 u.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
