I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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