it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
