Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think i got beer on your cat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
