The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
