I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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