Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
