Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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