She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
