Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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