2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
