I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
